Frustrated, Helpless, but not Hopeless

Today I have feelings. I am reserving judgment on these feelings for now. I feel frustrated, and helpless, and agitated. I feel as though I am burning with energy to channel into positive things, but paralyzed in my inaction at the same time. I have fear of the unknown. “What if the things that I want to do take too much time? What if I fail? What if I sit in my anxiety so long that the opportunities pass me by, as I sit on my hands and wait for someone to tell me what I should do?” As I sat this morning, scrolling through Twitter and becoming a mixture of defeated and incensed, I decided that the best thing that I could do for myself is to write. Today, I am ever-hopeful for a stranger to tell me, “I’ve been there, and I know how to start. Let me share my experience with you!” Will that happen? Will it be you?

If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I’ve recently had a few bumps in my road to being healthier. Today, I celebrate day 18 of being migraine free. Yesterday, in a follow up with my Gastroenterologist, I learned that I indeed DO NOT have colitis. I was confused, because he told me I had colitis, then had me do nightly enemas (as you may recall). So confused that, as soon as I got in the car after my appointment, I called Wave and asked him, “He told us that I had colitis, didn’t he?” Wave confirmed my memory, so all that is left is that I fought and argued and wasted so much of my time to try to get an affordable treatment for an ailment I didn’t even have. The doctor did not own this mistake. He acted like this was just normal to tell someone that they definitively have something, then act like you never said that.

Fodmaps diet bowel map including explosive gas

He asked what my symptoms are, if any, and I told him that I have dull abdominal pain every day, peppered in with sharp pains that feel like lightening, and when it’s time to go to the bathroom, I have about 10 seconds to get there or all hell is breaking loose. He sat back, silent for a moment, grabbed a stapled set of papers from a stack, and handed me a packet describing a low-fodmap diet. It was clear from the size of the stack that this is a common handout. He looked again at the pictures from my colonoscopy, commented that I had some internal hemorrhoids that he didn’t think to mark during the procedure, and said that the inflammation I had was simply irritation and not infection. He pointed to the diet and said that obviously I am eating something that’s irritating.

I left the office much like I leave most doctor’s appointments. Irritated, agitated, and a general feeling of loss for the time and money that I’ve wasted. This is my second go round with a Gastroenterologist, and both experiences (twenty years apart from each other) have been similar. No answer but suggestions to reduce stress and cut even more foods out of my diet. That will be $1,500, please.

F*ck you Pay Me Meme

I have spent the last several years learning about food and food sensitivities, and streamlining my diet to try to manage the IBS that I was diagnosed with as a young adult, which has led me to veganism. In addition, there are several fruits, vegetable, and beans that I need to cut to see if these are my current problems via elimination diet. What makes me laugh a little is that a friend of mine showed up at my desk about a year ago with the exact same hand out. She has diverticulitis and colitis, though. I have nothing but IBS. I feel almost exactly the same as when I got the original diagnosis, which is, “I don’t really know what is wrong, here is a diet, do that, go away.”

To clarify, I don’t think that IBS is nothing. I have lived with it for as long as I can remember. It is painful. It is embarrassing. It can take over your life if you let it. It is frustrating. It is lonely. It is something that you have to champion for yourself. The pain can lead you down dangerous paths. What it has made me learn is that no one will fight for me better than me. It has taught me that I have the power to become my own healthcare manager. I have the ability to research, ask, relate, and try methods that a doctor might not ever recommend.

I also want to touch on the ever present ‘maybe you need to eliminate stress’ suggestion. This was the only suggestion that the first Gastroenterologist gave me. This and a prescription for an anti spasmodic as they were sweeping me out the door as quickly as possible. I am a rule follower, and a person in authority gave me a rule to ‘eliminate stress’ without any guidance. I did what any twenty year old would do. I took up drinking my cares away. Soon after, I took up smoking cigarettes, because then I could take breaks at work! After I figured out better ways of managing life, I learned how to eliminate stress through exercise, thoughtfulness, coping skills, and good planning. I am not a stressed person. I sleep well. I eat right. I exercise. I talk out my feelings. I don’t internalize stress. Yet still, physicians and others counsel me to stress less. To me, this is silly and generic advise that needs to just stop! It’s like saying that to lose weight all you have to do is take in less calories than you expend. FALSE! This is generic and misleading, and quite frankly, LAZY! Every single body is different. Every body is delicate and intricate in its inner workings. Everyone has different optimum hormone levels. Some bodies can stretch and bend and do yoga well. Some bodies have shorter muscles and tendons, which make it all but impossible to do yoga. Some people can put away an entire pizza and not gain an ounce. Some of us can look at a pizza and gain a pound. If you issue any of this advice, please stop. Join me and stop. It’s insulting. We are all individuals, and what works for me, may not work for you. Not everyone handles stressors in unhealthy ways. Not everyone is able to just drop 5 pounds in a week. Not everyone can go from couch to marathon with ease. So stop.

Ok, so back to my feelings. My stated goal for this year is to be a voice in affordable healthcare reform. I am feeling lost at the moment. It’s one thing to have a goal. It’s entirely another to figure out where to begin. I am frustrated with bad physicians. I am angry that I have paid so much money for an “I don’t know” diagnosis. I am flabbergasted that not only did I have to lie on a table in the most vulnerable position and listen to a man (who is not an anesthesiologist, but a nurse anesthetist (to correct my earlier post)) talk about pounding breasts and watching me like a stalker, but who is also going to be billing me for more than the facility and the doctor who performed the procedure COMBINED. I am appalled that I have the privilege and access to healthcare, and am able to pay my bills, while women who sit one department over can’t even afford to carry the low cost company health care policy because it’s either daycare or healthcare, but not both.

Where do I start? Tell me! PLEASE! Well, even if you’re not the person who is supposed to share your experience with me today, I know this, dear reader:

You’re probably NOT crazy (though sometimes, if you’re like me, you have your suspicions after meeting with doctors…)

A Study in Ridiculousness: My Experience With Treating Colitis (so far).

If you read my last blog, which I know that you must have, you know that I have a very recent double diagnosis of Colitis and a Cavernous Malformation on my cerebellum. There is not much to talk about with my brain, other than I am working with my Neurologist to realize my dream of having an actual picture of my brain on a coffee mug. We are also working together on a migraine strategy, which has no obvious triggers at this time. Any input from you migraine sufferers out there is welcome! We are mostly sure it is not food related, but open to suggestions.

That leaves us with the colitis. Not just the colitis per se, but my experience with insurance, doctors, and healthcare during this, my time of medical need. I think it is important to note that as I am writing this blog, I conscientiously did so while holding a treatment enema (you read that right) in for at least 30 minutes, but ideally, over night. Remember that as you are reading my words. We will revisit this.

My insurance plan year renewed on December 1st. I was able to see my PA and get the MRI on my brain, and see my Neurologist once before the plan year ended. So far, 26 days in, I am responsible for a Neurosurgeon visit ($250), a Gastroenterologist visit ($250), a Colonoscopy ($415), the facility charge for said colonoscopy ($765), the creepy anesthesiologist who is not covered by my state’s largest insurance provider ($1220), and now, the medication. I technically met my deductible about 10 days into the new plan year. However, it all depends on how quickly the providers bill. They demand payment up front, but then some drag their feet on billing the insurance company. The issue here is that you, the patient, are eaten alive in medical fees that are required upfront, when your insurance could be kicking in and covering the majority of the fees. This is the case with the treatment for colitis.

After the colonoscopy, my doctor came in and told me everything looked great except for the colitis he found and showed me the picture. It was biopsies, a prescription was handed to me, and I was asked to visit his office in 3 weeks time. He mentioned that there is a coupon for the drug he prescribed, so I knew there was going to be a problem. In the meantime, I have no idea what colitis is, and trying to research it leads me nowhere. There are so many different variations that mean different things. I figure that I will get a better picture when I visit the office after three weeks. We went straight to the pharmacy to ask about the medication cost and get it ordered.

My belly just made a screaming noise at me. We have 10 minutes minimum to go on the enema.

I asked Wave to inquire about the cost of the prescription. I knew in my mind a dollar figure that would be acceptable, and hoped that it would fall well beneath that. Considering I just spent at least $1,500 in 10 days, I need to be mindful of what we can afford without murdering our savings fund that is ear marked for new air conditioners next year. The pharmacist took a moment and reported back that a 30 day supply was $990. WHAT. Suppositories. That you put in your bum. 30 of those were almost $1,000. You’ve got to be kidding me. I asked for the prescription back, and called the doctors office the following day.

First, I spoke with billing. I asked when everything would be billed to my insurance company. I was told that they were at least 2 weeks behind, and I shouldn’t expect anything sooner. I explained that the doctor asked that I be on this medication that is $1,000 for one month without insurance and asked if they could try a bit harder in light of these circumstances. I was told they are doing the best they can. Really? Is that really the best you can? I have a job with clients. If they are in a bind and need help, I can always try harder and do better. Accepting this answer, I ask if I can speak to someone who can help me to get a more cost effective medication. I am transferred to the receptionist.

30 minutes achieved! I feel like a real astronaut now. (I tried to find a picture from the enema scene in the movie ‘The Right Stuff’. The internet has failed me.

I explain to the receptionist that I am not a Rockefeller, and I (like most people) can’t afford to shell out $1,000 for something that I will be shoving up my ass for 30 days. She said that she also could not afford that, and was sending a message to my doctor’s medical assistant to get a different prescription. In the mean time, another migraine, more urgent bathroom trips and stomach aches, and extreme fatigue. After 5 days, I call again, and explain that I still do not have medication to deal with the colitis that the doctor found. I was told that the doctor JUST responded to the medical assistant, and they would call in the prescription right away.

I seem to be lucky in that every time I call a service provider to follow up on a request, the person in charge JUST responded. I mean, my timing is impeccable I guess.

So, the pharmacy robot calls me to tell me that the prescription is delayed. She tells me that it is the EXACT SAME PRESCRIPTION THAT I TOLD THEM THAT I CAN’T AFFORD. I am now at a cross road. Do I just let it go through and hope that my insurance deductible is met by the time it arrives? In speaking with the office, I don’t have a lot of hope for that. So, I call. I tell the receptionist who was nice enough to help me before what happened. She is now irritated with me and tells me that all she can do is transfer me to the medical assistant’s voicemail. “Look, I am almost at the end of my rope here. You can transfer me, and she won’t get back to me, and here I am, with these bad things happening, and getting next to no help here.” The snark was thick. I felt bad, but at the same time, I think of my clients, and how I treat them. The feeling disappeared quickly.

The pharmacy called me two days later, my new prescription was in! It was December 22nd. The colonoscopy was on December 14th. My insurance deductible was just met that day, so I went to the pharmacy to collect my prescription. “That’ll be $15, please.” I happily handed over the money, and was handed a huge sack. “Do you have any questions?” Embarrassed, I said no, and left abruptly. I quickly realize that I was prescribed daily enemas. Not only that, but I was expected to hold the fluid in my body for at least 30 minutes, but ideally all night long. WHAT? Who comes up with this stuff??? Not only that, but the cost without insurance was $630 for two weeks, or $1,260 per month. The medical assistant called in an even more costly prescription. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?? I called the pharmacy and asked them to please fill the platinum suppositories, and asked if I could return this nonsense. They refused to return it, and I have since come to learn that it is almost impossible to donate unused medications to people in need.

The pharmacy called today, December 26th, to tell me that the prescription was ready. The amount? $370. Much less, and yet still, unaffordable. I remembered that the doctor said that there was a coupon online. I looked, printed it out, and took it to the pharmacy. Even with the coupon, the cost was $130. As an astute accountant, I immediately multiplied this out by 12 and mentally reviewed our budget. On principle, I refused to accept this. I can pay $30 a month and do enemas, or pay $130 a month for the luxury of not doing enemas.

So, as I sit here, holding fluids in my rear end, I reflect upon people who can’t afford to buy insurance. These aren’t deadbeats. These are people I go to work with every day. They are not lazy. They never call in. They aren’t relying on welfare. In fact, most people who are on welfare aren’t lazy either. They have actual, verifiable needs that we as a society should chip in and help. I know people with devastating diagnosis’s who have been told that they don’t qualify because there are still some jobs that they can do. The idea that America’s welfare programs are clogged up with lazy people who have multiple kids just so they can stay home is a fallacy. I have always been very healthy, and have never really understood the need for medical insurance until this time in my life. I am coming to realize that I need to advocate for affordable healthcare, and be a voice for those who don’t have one.

I am happy to say that I still have this enema held in. It’s medications are soaking through the walls of my colon. My colon isn’t super happy, and is making that clear through. all kinds of noises. However, I am finally starting to treat this thing.

I would love to hear your stories. Medical bills are the number one causes of bankruptcy in the United States. Together, we can be a voice for change.

As always, listen to your body. You are the only one who recognizes its voice. I know it is telling you this…


Q & A

I am very lucky to have many people who feel comfortable enough to ask me questions that they may be too embarrassed to ask otherwise.  Today, I will devote my post to addressing the most common of these questions in hopes that you will have your questions answered as well.  Of course, you can always ask questions in the comments section of this blog and I will happily share my experiences with you!
Q:  My relative has just announced that they are going Vegan, or have food sensitivities/allergies.  How the heck am I supposed to deal with family get together’s now??

A:  I understand that your initial response may be “OH GREAT!”  Going ‘gluten-free’ seems to be the current fad these days.  There is a lot of mis-information circulating out there about gluten, and not everyone who excludes gluten needs to.  It’s always just better to assume that there is a reason for what they are doing, and it’s their business only.  Let’s use me as an example.  I have the following food sensitivities:  Pineapple, Black Pepper, Rye, Yeast, Kidney Beans, and Cow’s Milk.  On top of this, I follow a vegan diet, so I am your worst nightmare!!  My family forever wants me to have meals with them, and ask me how they can accomodate me.  The simple answer?  Don’t.  I think that people who have issues like mine understand that trying to cater to me would be a recipe for disaster.  Or, my family will say, “Come over!  I will make sure that there is a salad for you!”  At which time, I remind them that I hate salad.  SO, a few things:

  1. Vegans don’t necessarily like salad.
  2. Sides may not contain meat, but may contain items that are unfriendly to your relation’s diet goals.
  3. Don’t take it personally.

I would advise to first ask that person to help you understand their diet or food issues.  I would then try to come up with strategies together to make sure that they are able to attend, and also feel like a ‘normal’ guest.  Many times, I will eat in advance, or I will offer to bring a dish that I can eat, but can also share with others.  Interestingly enough, when I do bring a dish to share, it usually ends up being a hit.  I tend to not tell anyone it’s vegan until they eat it and love it.  Not only is it fun for me, but it also gives people who may not ever be exposed to anything positive regarding veganism to come away with a good impression.

Q:  I watched the documentary “What the Health” (Or “Forks over Knives”, or “Fat, Bloated, and Nearly Dead”, or “Super Size Me”, etc…, and now I want to eat better.  Should I quit meat cold turkey (pun totally intended)?

A:  I have done both methods:  I have gone cold turkey vegan, and I have done the frog-boiling method.  The first time I tried it was cold turkey.  I did it for all the wrong reasons.  I was desperate to lose weight, and a junk-a-tarian that I know said I should get off meat and I would lose weight.  So I tried.  I ate frozen veggie burgers, vegan cheese, chips, French fries, and I failed miserably.  I didn’t really know what a vegan actually was.  I have the most basic possible definition, which was no animal flesh or products.  Did you know that gummy vitamins are not vegan?  Or that French fries are often fried in animal fats?  Or that Mexican restaurants usually make refried beans with lard and rice with chicken broth?  Not only did I not know what the hell I was doing, I wasn’t considering that it takes time for your body to adjust.  

Once I finally did lose weight and cleaned up my diet, I started to naturally eat less meat.  It just started to not digest well with me.  I would get horrendous stomach aches and (sorry…) really constipated.  One day, I just stopped.  I thought about my meat consumption and what it was doing to my digestive tract.  I didn’t like the way it tasted unless it was drenched in sauces and seasonings.  So I just stopped.  And I haven’t eaten it since.

A few years after that, I was still having stomach aches, and decided to get tested for food sensitivities.  At that time, I would eat a hard boiled egg for breakfast, cottage cheese with pepper and pineapple (I know…don’t judge…it’s good), and lots of beans every day, including my favorite, kidney beans.  So, if you remember my food sensitivity list, I was basically ONLY eating things that bothered me.  I didn’t become vegan out of compassion for animals, or anything other than I just wanted the stomach aches to stop, which they did.  Since becoming vegan, I have definitely become passionate about animals and how we as a culture treat them.  

Long story short, for me, it worked better to make small changes over long periods to maintain those changes.  Just like boiling a frog, start with Luke warm water, and slowly turn up the heat.  Side note, it’s sick that I’m advising on how to go vegan by compairing it to boiling a frog.  Oy.  

Q:  I want to go vegan, but I can never give up baked goods.  What’s the deal?

A:  Oh man, I know what you mean.  Did you know that you can make absolutely delicious cookies, cupcakes, cakes, and pies totally vegan?  It’s true!  In fact, I gained about 10 pounds once I figure that out!!  A great baking cookbook that was given to me by one of my best friends in the universe is The Joy of Vegan Baking by Coleen Patrick-Goudreau.  You can find most of the ingredients at your local grocery store, or, I have found a lot at Amazon.  Would you believe that I used a drop biscuit recipe from this cook book and crafted a vegan gravy recipe, and now we have biscuits and gravy for dinner on the regular?  I NEVER thought I would have that again!!

Q:  But where do you get your protein from/But are you getting enough protein ?

A:  This is by far the most asked question.  Over the years, I have answered this question differently.  Sometimes, I ask the asker if they are getting enough protein.  It’s kind of funny, actually.  I know that I need 1/2 a gram of protein per pound of body weight, so it varies as my weight varies.  Did you know that vegetables have protein?  It’s TRUE!  My advice here would be to not ask this question to a vegetarian or a vegan.  They know where to get protein from, and if it is enough or not.  Protein comes in grains, beans, veggies, quinoa, tofu, tempeh, and seitan (pronounced ‘satan’, as in “I ate Satan for lunch…hahah).  I am not sure why Omnivores are so concerned with protein intake, other than they believe that they will ‘stump the chump’ with this question.  I promise, you won’t. In fact, I think that we could all do ourselves a favor and stop listening to the meat and dairy lobbyists and educate ourselves on foods.  

Q:  Is it better to cut carbs, or go low fat, or do Mediterranean diet, or Paleo, or what?

A:  I have the definitive answer to this question!  The best diet is the one that you can stick to for the rest of your life.  You can’t cut carbs for the rest of your life.  I know I’m going to catch hell from some of you for saying that.  Carbs are converted to energy. If you cut them, you will burn stored fat, that is true, and totally sustainable in the short term.  However, our bodies adapt very quickly to all of our brilliant plans.  You will find what worked for you for a few weeks will no longer work.  The body is in a constant state of seeking equilibrium.  It will slap back with lower energy levels, headaches, nausea, and other issues.  Same with low fat.  Did you know that your body uses fat to transport hormones?  Fats are good for you!  The key to both fats and carbs are in the quality of the macro.  Cookies are carbs.  And so are vegetables.  Which do you think are better for you?  Butter is full of fats.  And so are avocados.  Which do you think supply the greater nutrient punch?  Your body will thrive on                            complex carbs and ‘good’ fats.  Keep that in mind.  Completely restricting a nutrient is never really a great strategy for long term success.  

Q: Why do vegans and vegetarians have such a superiority complex?  What makes you better than me?

A:  We don’t, and we’re not.  It’s in your head.

Next week, I will do an exercise Q & A.  Let me know if you have any questions about today’s blog, or have a question you’d like answered about exercise, and I will for my best to answer it.  Have a great week, everyone, and remember…

You’re probably not crazy!!

Finding Motivation:  How to light your fire and keep it burning, even when it gets tough

Close your eyes.   Wait, don’t. How can you read this if your eyes are closed?  Instead, imagine with me Friday afternoon.  It’s probably been a really long week at work.  That guy you work with has been dancing on your last nerve.  Your neighbor has been working on keeping you up all night with left over Fourth of July fire crackers.  The kids are crabby.  Your spouse is feeling run down.  You?  You feel totally overwhelmed.   All you can think about is crashing and binge watching Netflix until it’s time to get up Monday morning, and start all over again.  This, my friends, is the rat race.  Is this the life you really want?  You see Facebook posts from perfect moms who go on perfect runs every perfect day and have perfect kids, and wonder, “How in the world is that possible, when I am struggling to just make it every day??”

If I said I didn’t have days like this, you would know I am lying.  Or maybe you wouldn’t.  The social media perfection machine makes me feel like such a failure some days.  Don’t get me wrong, I use social media.  It has one of two effects on me.  I either feel like such a complete loser by comparing myself to posts that may or may not be embellished, or I feel totally inspired to get off my tired bum and make myself better.  For me, Facebook is a total lost cause.  I gave up around the time that everyone I knew was farming fake crops and wanting me to contribute to their imaginary farms.  In my opinion, it was too much a time wasting, passive-aggressive bragging fest for my tastes.  Thankfully, I simply deleted my account and moved on with life.  Today, I use Instagram to look at positive and uplifting accounts to keep me moving towards my goals and grant me a bit of motivation.

 On many occasions, we go into changes and view them as a temporary existence.  Think: Diet.  We commit to ourselves that we will stick with the change until we reach a specific goal or number, then every thing can go back to the way it was, and we can ride our unicorn to the end of the rainbow where we will be granted the perfect body and everyone will love and accept us.  In the beginning of my journey, I thought that is what would happen for me.  In fact, I went cold turkey Vegan one time, and expected pounds to just fall off of me.  They didn’t, and I quit.  What was my motivation?  I wanted all of the glory with none of the work.  I thought that if I just give up meat, I would have a model’s body.  When that didn’t happen in two weeks, I quit.  Does this sound familiar?

At some point, we need to examine our motivations.  Not just what’s on the surface, but the deeper motivations for choices.  I used to be very afraid to know what my true motivations were.  Now, I jump at the chance to look deeper.  The more I know about myself, the better I am about making good choices for myself.  Case in point:  I have a sensitivity to yeasts and casein.  This means that breads and cheeses are really bad for me.  However, sometimes, the idea of pizza gets in my head, and I let go of all logic and do everything I can to convince my family that pizza is a good idea.  Every time I start to get under the spell of a piping hot pie, I need to think about my motivation.  I know it’s not good for me.  I know I am going to have stomach aches for 2 weeeks.  I know it’s going to make me irritable.  I know that once I have it, I will crave it more.  So what is my motivation?  Well, much like everyone else, I can fall prey to eating my feelings.  Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, sometimes I feel like work is overwhelming, sometimes I just don’t feel good about myself, and sometimes, I just feel like I deserve a treat.  You know, like a cheat day!  But my cheat days end in weeks of pain and discomfort.  Just like everyone else, I also at times just feel entitled.  I eat well, I work out…I deserve it!

So, how can we find positive motivation, and keep it long enough to accomplish anything?  I feel like I’ve painted a grim picture for you.  My intention is to show you that you are totally capable of doing the impossible.  You can use motivation for good or for bad, just like social media!  Many moons ago, I was challenged to do Pat’s Run.  I had never really run anything but my mouth before, but something in my head just changed.  I wanted to run this.  I wanted to run the entire 4.2 miles.  So I started to train.  And I kept going.  I had a week long vacation scheduled to Washington DC.  I walked for miles all day long, and then would go to my hotel and run on a treadmill.  What was my motivation?  I wanted to prove to myself that I was not ‘that girl’.  In high school, I would wear my resistance to running as a badge of honor, when truthfully, I was totally embarrassed.  I didn’t want to try because I didn’t want people to know that, though I was a really good sprinter, I had no endurance.  This was a chance to prove to myself that I could do it.  That I could gain endurance.  That I was capable of change.

Possibly the best way to change your mindset is to start with a small goal.  What is it that you want?  What is on your mind?  Do you want to prove something to yourself, like I did?  Do you just want to know if you have what it takes to just see something through?  I was once told, “People who can start things are great.  People who can finish things are great.  The person who is able to both start and finish is exceptional.”  Doesn’t that seem strange?  I always felt like everyone around me had their act together.  That everything came easy to them, and everything was a struggle for me.  When I hear and understand that people who are able to both start and finish are exceptional, I begin to understand that everyone puts up a facade, just like I do.  If I know that, it’s easier for me to believe that I can do anything that I want to.  

Since I don’t know what you want to do as a challenge, let’s talk about a recent goal that I took on.  Oxygen Magazine hosts a challenge annually, which is a 3 month body and diet boot camp of sorts.  At the sign up, you can choose one of two coaches (some people choose both), and you start your 90 days of eating and working out according to your fitness pro coach’s plan.  I have been telling myself every year that I could never do that.  90 days is a long time.  That’s a big commitment.  This year was different.  Last year, I had a bone tumor on my tibia removed in August, and ran a half marathon in November.  That experience alone was enough to tell me that I can commit to 90 days, and I have no excuses.  Through training for the half, I learned how to not be so rigid in my schedule, and to start to look at time before and after work as opportunities, and not just tv time.  In fact, when I started to utilize those hours, I became less run-down at the end of the week.  I stopped telling myself that I don’t have time to run during the week, and started getting up earlier.  After work, I started cross training for 30-45 minutes.  I wasn’t missing out on anything.  I was cutting out dead time that I was spending on the couch.  Sometimes, you just need a goal that is so exciting to you that you area willing to look at possibilities instead of probably nots.

So, I signed up!  I am on #Team Jamie, under coach Jamie Eason Middleton.  I just finished week one.  Some days were pretty easy.  Some have been pretty tough.  But every day has been an inspiration.  Every day is a choice.  Am I going to stick it out and complete the goal, or am I giving up?  So far, I choose success.  That choice has inspired my husband to do it with me.  I don’t know what the next 11 weeks will hold. I am sure that there will be days when I am tired, or discouraged.  On those days, I need to examine my motivation.  If I am not motivated to be my best and have the healthiest body possible, then I need to change things.

Ok, I outed myself.  Now it’s your turn!  What are your goals?  What do you want to achieve?  Maybe it’s a one mile walk.  Maybe it is a marathon.  Maybe you just want to run around the block.  What ever it is, what is stopping you?  What are your motivations?  What are you fears?  The more you know your self, the more you understand your own patterns and cycles, the more you can harness your energies and become the best you possible.  Every.  Damn.  Day.  You CAN be exceptional.  You CAN be a starter AND a finisher.  Take it from a former great finisher, who is currently exceptional.  Don’t give yourself options.  Don’t give yourself a way out.  I believe in you.  Set those goals.  Take steps to achieve them.  I’m always here for you.  You can reach me in the ‘contact’ form, or through Instagram @healthierversionofchris. No matter what happened in your past, you don’t have to let it determine your future.  No matter what, I only know this….

You’re probably not crazy!!!


When I was a kid, I was shy.  I didn’t have very many friends.  I used to think that I was just plain unlikeable.  I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to, so what was my strategy?  Cling to anyone who showed any interest in me, and go along with whatever they wanted me to do.  Change myself, and don’t stand for my own principles.  Morph myself into what other people thought I should be.  For me, this meant that I would date any boy that liked me, and do almost anything that would keep them around.  I look back and consider myself pretty lucky that I didn’t fall into drug use, and I drew a line with what I was willing to give up for acceptance, MEANING, I didn’t let boys guilt me into having sex with them when I wasn’t ready or willing.  That was more likely because I was terrified of anyone seeing me naked and judging me at my most vulnerable state.

I used to think to myself, “Once I am out of high school, things will be different.  I will be different.  People will see that I have value, and they will want to be around me.”  Things did change, but for the worse.  I had a wider array of people who preyed on low self esteem.  I welcomed those people into my life and allowed them the power to control me through my need to be accepted.  I would cry sometimes.  Why do I have to be this way?  Then I found alcohol.  Alcohol took me to places that I thought I liked.  I was able to talk without being afraid that people would think I was stupid.  I could be free.  I had liquid courage!  Years later, I realize that alcohol was a substitute for dealing head on with my need for accceptance from other people.  I felt like people liked me because I was that crazy girl that you never knew what she would do next.  Karaoke?  YES!  Flirt with anyone?  YES!!  Party all night, and still show up to work the next day?  Oh yeah!  Close down the bar?  You know it!  What a fun girl!

But you know what?  It wasn’t fun.  I was slowly losing every bit of my authentic self while striving to be what I am not.  I am not a party girl.  I love spreadsheets.  I am not a flirty girl.  I am reserved.  I am smart.  I am scheduled.  I am loyal.  I am driven.

As you know, this lifestyle caught up with me.  Two completely failed marriages, doubled my body weight, fired from a great job, and, SURPRISE…all those people that loved the crazy girl weren’t there for me when it all crashed in.  They moved to the next crazy girl.  They peeled off, one by one, as things got hard.  My life fell apart, and they were only interested in watching the train wreck.  They didn’t seem to realize or maybe even care that I was an actual person.  

Flash forward to today.  Even though I have lost weight.  Even though I have acccomplished goals.  Even though I am at peace with most parts of my life, I still struggle with accepting every part of myself.  In the header photo for this blog post, I have put a picture in from my recent dream vacation to Hawaii.  I don’t see the beautiful ocean, or the famous pier in Hanalei Bay.  I see cellulite.  I see the constant negative self talk about my ‘disgusting’ legs.  I didn’t put it up for you to tell me, “Ah, but you are pretty!” or for you to tell me it’s not bad and you can’t see it.  I posted that picture because I am outting myself.  I struggle every day with accepting myself.  I love WHO I am, but I am critical of what I look like.  

Last summer, Wave and I decided that we should go to the high school pool one Saturday.  Typical Arizona summer day, stifling hot and unbearable.  I was excited!  Yes, let’s go cool off and swim.  But then, I put on my swimsuit and I was horrified.  I was paralyzed.  I started stalling.  Of course I have to sweep and mop before we can go.  Oh, but I need to do our weekly meal prep before we can go.  Finally, Wave took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and asked me what was going on.  I knew I had to be honest, so I told him that I am terrified of people looking at my cellulite and being disgusted by me.  He just hugged me and told me that we didn’t have to go.  I, on the other hand, knew that I had to face this.  It was scary, but I did it.  No one vomited, or fainted by the sight of my cellulite, so that was good.


So, how does one begin the journey of self acceptance?  For me, it was a pretty methodical process.  First, I had to write out everything I hated about myself.  What were the negative thoughts that were rolling around in my head?  “No one likes me.”  “People think I am stupid.”  “I am a burden to others, because they only feel sorry for me.”  There is a lot of healing that is initiated in this step.  Shining a light on the monsters under the bed makes them less frightening.  I looked at each piece and broke it down.  Why do I think no one likes me?  Maybe I am surrounding myself with people who are not really there for friendship, but are they going to use me for something in their own agenda.  Am I truly an unlikeable person?  What are the qualities that I see in myself that ARE likeable?  Finally, what kind of person do I want as an ideal friend?  Do the qualities in me line up with the qualities I want in a friend?  We often hear the phrase, “Opposites attract.”  Though that may be true in science, in my experience, birds of a feather really do flock together.  If I want a friend who listens to me, and who keeps things in confidence and doesn’t blab my problems to everyone, am I a friend who listens to others intently, and keep their issues confidential?

In essence, self acceptance comes with a lot of soul searching and brutal honesty with yourself.  We often tell ourselves what we want to believe, but is not exactly true.  One may tell themselves, “No one wants me because I don’t have the body of a cover model!”  In reality, no one wants me because I act like a piece of human trash who is selfish and doesn’t value others in the way I expect to be valued.  The only way we can truly change is to first and foremost, be honest and cut out all the BS.  You are only a victim if you want to be.  Feeling sorry for yourself is being a victim.  Being shy is not a character flaw.  Expecting the world to cater to you because you are shy is. If you want to be accepted, then start with accepting yourself.  If you want a great self esteem, do something esteemable!   If you don’t like what you are, change it!  You have power over your thoughts, words, and actions.  If you want people to be friendly with you, then be a friendly person!  Say hello to a stranger. There is no danger in that.  Just a simple, “Hello!”  Tip the corners of your mouth up and walk around with a smile instead of a stoic and unexpressive face.  Let people know that you care what they have to say. If you hear someone say something that strikes a profound chord within you, tell them that you appreciate their words, or if you like what they are wearing that day, say so!  Be honest with yourself, and decide if you are willing to acccept the things you don’t like about yourself (like cellulite on your thighs), or if you aren’t willing to accept it, then are you willing to change it?  For me, I have to always be in a constant state of loving who I am right now, but always striving to be better.  Be willing to adapt the belief that the only opinion that matters is your own.  If no one else likes it, F*&k ’em!  It just does not matter what other people think.  They don’t get to have that power over you, unless you let them.

My friends, what I know is that we all have really silly hang ups, and monsters in our closets.  I haven’t met a perfect person yet.  I know that a lot of people that know me think I have my act together, and I am a zen master.  But I am not.  I have issues.  There are things that I accept.  There are things that I am working on changing.  There are things that I am finally admitting to myself, and I am always and forever cleaning out my closet.  Please know, whatever it is that you are going through, you are not alone.  That deep, dark secret that you have been carrying around for most of your life…I am positive that someone else has done that too.  In finding ourselves, we become less judgmental of others.  We start to appreciate the flaws and failings that make us who we are today.  We become more open and honest beings with one another, and we start to become just a bit more understanding and open to others.  I am always here for you, either by the ‘contact’ form at the end of the blog, in the comments section, or on Instagram (@healhierversionofchris).  We are all in this together.  Stop questioning yourself, and understand this….

You’re probably NOT crazy!!!

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Have you ever read that book, “The Secret”?  I know, I know…but stick with me on this one.  For those of you that haven’t read the book or seen the subsequent movie, the basic premise is that what ever you put out into the universe, you will get back.  If you put out worry that you will be broke, the universe will grant your wish, and you will find yourself broke.  On the flip side, though, if you visualize yourself being content and financially stable, that will happen for you as well.  This is the secret that separates you from the wealthy and successful.  They know how to harness their thoughts, and you don’t…yet.  Now, I am NOT presuming to know if you are wealthy, successful, or content.  What I do know is that when I talk about controlling my thoughts, I usually get a very puzzled look.  “There is NO WAY to control your thoughts!  My brain thinks thoughts all day and all night, it has nothing to do with me!!”  If this is true, then why the slogan ‘Think Positive’?

The first time I was told that I could control my thoughts was shortly after I sobered up.  I am sure that not all who come to read these musings know what that is like, so let me explain.  Have you ever gone swimming all day long in a pool with your eyes open?  Your ears are sloshy.  Your eyes sting and you can’t see anything clearly.  Your skin crawls and tightens from the chlorine.  People talk to you, but you feel tired and groggy and not really present.  That’s how the first bit of sobriety felt to me.  So, when I heard this revolutionary idea that I can control my thoughts, my honest reactions was, “Bullshit”.  The truly beautiful thing about our minds is that we take ideas, push them to the back,  roll them around, and digest them, all without knowing it.  

When I was finally ready to accept that maybe I could try, I also had to swallow a pretty big pill along with it.  I had to accept that if I had power over my thoughts, then I have always had power over my thoughts.  Therefore, this warped reality I had been living, these negative thoughts that consumed me, were all within my power.  I had to accept that I had done all of this to myself.  Maybe knowing that I had to accept this idea was what made me balk so heavily in the first place.  It’s pretty scary, but, as we have already discussed, you can’t live any kind life if you are consumed with fear.

Albert-Einstein-quoteIf you’ve ever taken a yoga class, or tried to meditate, you may have heard the idea that you can guide your thoughts.  So, how the heck do you do this?  You may be yelling at the screen, “How do I stop thinking about my grocery list, my kid’s schedules, the vet appointment, the undone laundry, EVERYTHING going on at work, not to mention what I am doing for dinner?”  Well, let me tell you how I did it, and maybe you can find a way too.

In my previous mariage (let’s just get this on the table, I have been married 3 times…THREE TIMES!  So, yeah, I have a lot of marriage experience, and a great sense of humor regarding my failings.  Moving on…), I was always focused on being a victim.  I seriously was always mad about what my ex husband was doing to make my life so terrible.  If I think of things in terms of ‘The Secret’, you can only imagine how much misery the universe was dropping at my doorstep, because all that I was putting out there was how miserable I was.  One day, I changed.  I decided it was time to change the course of things.  When I started to think about what a jerk he was, I noticed the thought, and replaced it with The Lord’s Prayer.  If you’ve ever been in a 12 step program, The Lord’s Prayer is like saying ‘Om’ over and over and over.  It was the one thing I knew like the back of my hand.  At a moments notice, I could think the words, “Our Father, who art in heaven.  Hallowed be thy name…” and it acted like a mantra.  

Happy-face-among-sadness That’s it?  Yep.  That’s it… First, notice the thought.  Your brain is often working on auto pilot. By the time we reach adulthood, we don’t even notice thoughts coming and going anymore.   So, by noticing the thought, you are starting to turn off the auto pilot.  If the thought doesn’t serve you, start methodically repeating, in your mind something that does.  “Life is beautiful.”  “Today I will be the change that I want to see in the world.”  “It is never too late to be who I always should have been.”  “There is no time like the present.”  Anything that is at least neutral, at best a positive message.  When you start, you may find that you are repeating your mantra almost all day.  The great news is, we are very intelligent and adaptable beings.  Once you make the decision to change your life, your mind will follow suit quickly. The first few days are the hardest.  If you fail, then you redeploy your mantra, and you keep going as soon as you noticed that you failed.

Now that you are starting to come off of auto pilot, you will start to notice your thoughts, and you may start to notice patterns.  These patterns may surprise you.  I personally noticed that my mind was often giving me thoughts such as, “You are fat.  No one likes you.  You have no friends.  People only feel sorry for you.  You will never be truly loved.”  Just typing that makes me feel terrible!!  None of that is true, nor was it true at the time.  Once I gained confidence with changing my thoughts, I started to push out the negative thoughts consciously with their positive counters.  “I am healthy.  I like myself.  I don’t care if people like me or not, I have value.  I am appreciated.  I feel loved.”  Do not let the negativity of your auto pilot thoughts scare you.  If you were harnessing your thoughts all along, you never would have allowed this to happen.  You just didn’t know that years and years of people telling you you are not good enough and you believing it have manifested in your thoughts for reinforcement.  

After a while, it feels like you have an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other, like a cartoon.  You become pretty skilled at recognizing the lies that your brain has grown accustomed to telling you, and you easily shut it down and replace it with something that is true.  In time, you will have completely retrained your way of thinking, and you will likely go back on to auto pilot, but this time, your thoughts are now geared towards your opportunities and possibilities, and not pinning you down to the ground.  You may find that stress is no longer really stressful.  You may also start to see that a lot of what you found so stressful before is totally manageable now.  What if you started to write down the changes that your see, so you can go back a year from now to remind yourself just how far you have come?  

If you have mastered guided thought, but all of sudden, you start to feel stressed again, or maybe you are feeling uneasy or just not at peace, start listening in on your thoughts.  Unfortunately, it is possible to relapse into that great abyss of negative self talk.  You may have had an upsetting event at work.  You may have had a senseless arguement with your spouse that fed the negativity.  Maybe you have a parent that is like the T-Rex at Jurassiac Park, and is constantly testing their boundaries with you.  Check in with yourself.  Find your mantra again.  Every time you need to get back on track, it gets easier and easier.

Friends, take care of yourselves. Maybe you are thinking of Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live from that late ’80’s.  Maybe you’re thinking that this is a lot of new age bullshit.  Maybe.  Or maybe it is going to the back of your brain now for you to roll around and consider until you are willing to accept responsibility for the role you have played in your own misery.  Or maybe you are already here, and, like me, you find gratitude for the hard pieces of your life.  For, if we don’t have the hard times, we would never know what we are actually made of.  

How do you feel about the idea of controlling your thoughts?  Is it really hocus pocus, or is there something to this?  Let me know in the comments section, or on Twitter or Instagram, or you can contact me by using the contact form on the home page.  I think that you may be starting to figure out that I know one for sure….

You’re probably not crazy!!!

Omnivorous to Vegetarian to Veganish: How and WHY did I make the transition?

Last weekend, I was out to a luncheon to celebrate my oldest sister’s birthday.  My middle sister always takes personal responsibility to find places that offer vegan options, so we can all enjoy a meal together.  For those of you who have not been exposed to veganism, that is not an easy feat.  In fact, eating at restaurants is such a challenge that I usually just don’t.  My middle sister travels a lot for work, so she is always open and willing to try new things, and is open to having meatless meals occasionally.  I am very lucky to have her, honestly.

As I was looking at the menu, my mother and older sister were pointing out salads that I might be able to have.  I have learned that people in general tend to be uncomfortable with what they don’t know or understand.  I try to be gracious, and thank people for pointing out items that I can eat, but there is one simple fact…I hate salad.  I mean, I don’t HATE IT hate it, but I certainly don’t love it.  It’s boring.  Plus, have you ever really looked at the salad selection on a menu?  It’s almost like they can’t fathom a protein source without animal flesh or cheese.  

Another strange thing happens when I eat around non-vegans.  “I eat salad every day!”  “I almost never eat meat!”  “I only eat chicken anymore!”  Then, when the meal order is taken, it’s a cheeseburger and fries.  Of course,  as with any group of people who subscribe to a particular lifestyle or choice, there are always people who give everyone else a bad name.  The vegans I know aren’t chastening meat eaters for eating meat, aren’t attacking them for their choices, aren’t throwing fake blood on them and yelling ‘MEAT IS MURDER!’.  The VAST majority of us want nothing more than to live harmoniously in the world, and answer questions to demystify and normalize the choice to not consume animal products.  

I wasn’t always a vegan, and for the record, I call myself ‘veganish’.  I am not perfect.  I eat pizza once in a while.  I do my best, but I am by no means perfect.  Growing up, and well into adulthood, I was under the impression that you have to have meat at every meal.  I didn’t understand that ‘meat’ meant protein.  Looking back, that seems really dumb.  The fact is, we learn things and accept them as unquestionable facts as children.  For instance, I loved tuna sandwiches as a kid, but I hated fish.  I didn’t know until I was 14 years old that tuna was fish.  My parents never told me that “Tuna is fish”.  It was just, “Do you want a tuna salad sandwich?”  Needless to say, I had great empathy for Jessica Simpson with the whole “Chicken of the Sea” debacle.  It wasn’t until I decided to learn about food and what we need to eat and why that my mind started to change.  

After I lost 100+ pounds, I became very invested in understanding first, what do I need to eat and why, and second, what works best for me.  A major revelation to me during this crusade for answers is that there is nothing but conflicting information on diet.  Did you know that the low fat diet was actually due to members of the US Congress dropping dead at alarming rates from heart attacks?  During the 60’s and 70’s, eight congressmen died in office from heart attacks.  So what did they do?  According to Alison Aubrey of NPR, the government introduced dietary guidelines based off of hearings in the senate.  Scientists thought that foods high in cholesterol affected blood cholesterol, but did not know why.  Hence, the idea that fat is bad and carbs are good was introduced.  Unfortunately, as is demonstrated in the current statistics of American health, this was flawed logic.  68.8% of adults in the United States are overweight.  35.7% of those are obese.  1 in 20 are considered extremely obese.  74% of men…MEN…are overweight or obese, all according to the National Institutes of Health.  Not only that, recent statistics show that 10% of the world’s population are overweight.  

If you remember the ’90’s, you remember the Atkin’s diet.  Eat all the protein and fat you want, and restrict your vegetables and carbs.  This was a dream to many people!  I can eat bacon and eggs every day and be healthy???  Well, sorry, but no.  And then South Beach.  And then Ephedra pills, which oops, that was speed.  And then.  And then.  And then.  Make no mistake, misinformation in the diet industry is big money.  We need stop looking to companies to decide and tell us what is healthy and what is not.  “Low fat muffins”…HA!  The secret to good health has never been a secret.  It’s just not as easy as we would hope.  Eat fresh foods, eat a balance of good fats, good proteins, and  good carbs.  Good fats?  Think avocado over Big Mac.  Good carbs? Dates over muffins.  Good Proteins?  Nuts over bacon.

Anyway…how did I get from there to here.  Well, the truth is, I’m not entirely sure.  I remember one New Year’s Eve.  I was making roasted potatoes and asparagus, and Wave was marinating rib eye steaks.  I looked at him, and I said, “You know, I don’t know why we bother eating meat.  All we do is season the hell out of it so we don’t actually taste the meat, and then I don’t sh*t for days.”  We kind of looked at each other, and just decided that was our last omnivorous meal.  Believe it or not, the transition was easy.  The hardest part was the questions.  It took me a while to learn a bit of grace and patience.

A true vegetarian has no issue getting protein.  I know that the first thing you want to ask me is “Where do you get your protein”, or you may be wondering “Are you getting enough protein?”  To this, I would ask you, “Are you?”  I would like to assure you, the ominivorious, that we are ok.  In fact, did you know that vegetables have protein?  Check this out:

Vegetable-protein-chartI finally understand that your questions about protein are because you probably were raised like me.  You have to eat meat at every meal.  I challenge you to change the word ‘meat’ with protein’.  I would also ask, do YOU know how much protein you need, and are YOU getting enough?  It’s super simple.  Take your body weight…your REAL weight, not your driver’s license weight, divide by 2.  That’s the number of protein grams you need per day.  Take that number, divide by 3.  That’s how much you need at each meal.  Simple, right?  AND, now you know, you are getting protein from many sources, not just meats!  

When I switched to vegetarian, I think I saw a minor weight loss, less than 5 pounds.  I didn’t do it for animal rights or saving the planet or any other reason that I didn’t like the taste and what it did for my digestion.  Everyone has their reasons, and it’s safe to say asssuming their motives is proabably not safe.  I stayed vegetarian for a few years.  I still had stomach aches.  I felt like I was digesting food much better, but still had some issues.  Further investigation was required.

I decided to get tested for food allergies and sensitivities.  So, what is the difference?  A food allergy can kill you.  A food sensitivity, though very unpleasant, will not kill you.  It will cause indigestion, stomach aches, IBS, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, irritability, and possibly acne.  But not deadly.  Turns out, I’m sensitive to casein (cow’s milk protein) and eggs.  So, basically, if I want to not have the afore mentioned symptoms, I need to avoid them.  By avoiding them, I become a vegan.  Now, before I am corrected, I understand that a true blue vegan wears vegan clothes, carries vegan bags, wears vegan shoes, and of course avoids leather and furs.  I would say that I 95% fall into this naturally. But I don’t know that every thing I own is animal friendly.  I do my best, and I think that is good enough.  There is no vegan tribal council.  I won’t be brought up on vegan charges.  

I often hear, “I think I could be a vegetarian, but I love cheese!  I can’t give it up!”  Well, that’s ok!!  I think that this world could be a better place if we all just accept who we are and what we are willing to do, and stop judging everyone else.  Maybe you want to try vegetarianism for one day a week and see how it feels.  Maybe you learn that even going vegetarian helps our environment.  Mass meat production contributes more greenhouse gasses that either transportation or industry, according to Scientific American.  For some people, their concern for our environment is enough to make small changes to their diet.  Most of us accept that climate change is real and is happening, but don’t know how they can contribute. This is a major way to help.  Meatless Monday.  What do you have to lose?

Some people tie their masculinity or toughness to meat eating.  Why?  What does eating meat have to do with any of that?  You are not more or less of a man or a tough person.  There are many successful vegan athletes and body builders who compete with omnivorous athletes and body builders.  We are foolish if we think that how we get our protein determines our fortitude.  I also want to address the idea that becoming vegan will give you a running PR, or an advantage over a carnivorous competitor.  I would give a word of caution.  You can be a junkatarian or a vegetarian.  The quality of food will help you, but will not overcome the quality of your own training and commitment to your sport.  Will it make you drop weight?  Maybe.  It depends on the quality of your food choices.  When it comes down to it, Fritos are probably vegan and Dorritos and nachos are vegan.  Does this give you a competitive advantage?  Um…no.  Does it make you lose a TON of weight?  Maybe.  It depends on what you currently eat.  If you consume fast food and garbage now, then consume only nuts, seeds, beans, vegggies, fruits, of course you are going to drop weight.  But if you are a pretty clean eater now, you won’t see much of a change.

Make no mistake, vegan can be hard if you rely on packaged foods.  The best way to go vegan is to stick to vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and real foods.  The more you can control the inputs, the easier it is.  There are milk and eggs in almost all convenience foods.  The internet is a great tool.  Research vegan meals.  The variety of foods I eat now as a vegan are far greater than I ever ate as a carnivore.  Why?  Because the fear of eating salad only for the rest of my life forced me to try new things.  Who knew that you could make a nut meat that mimics the taste and texture of ground beef for tacos?  Or that there are vegan baking cookbooks?  Or even full on vegan cookbooks?  You’d be surprised!

To the naysayers who continue to say that long term veganism is not healthy for you.  I say, maybe try it.  Maybe, before you poison people against a choice, understand that there are entire populations who are vegan and vegetarian around the world that are far healthier than our American meat and cheese culture.  Open your mind. Try something new.  It certainly will not kill you.  It may make you feel better.  You may find that meats and cheeses never agreed with you in the first place.  You may realize that you always felt like hot garbage juice but never recognized it before.  You have absolutely nothing to lose by trying it.  I would encourage you to find a trusted vegan or vegetarian and get some advice.  Ask for recipes.  Ask for restaurants where your can try a meal.  Or, ask me!  As always, I am available to you.  You can contact me through the ‘Contact’ form here, you can DM me on Instagram.  I am here for you!  This doesn’t have to be scary, or cause anxiety.  Your vegan and vegetarian friends want nothing but for you to find peace in your diet, and within yourself.  We are not judging you…well MOST of us are not judging you.  

You may feel that even considering this is lunacy, but I assure you…You are probably NOT crazy!!