ACCEPT YOURSELF!

When I was a kid, I was shy.  I didn’t have very many friends.  I used to think that I was just plain unlikeable.  I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to, so what was my strategy?  Cling to anyone who showed any interest in me, and go along with whatever they wanted me to do.  Change myself, and don’t stand for my own principles.  Morph myself into what other people thought I should be.  For me, this meant that I would date any boy that liked me, and do almost anything that would keep them around.  I look back and consider myself pretty lucky that I didn’t fall into drug use, and I drew a line with what I was willing to give up for acceptance, MEANING, I didn’t let boys guilt me into having sex with them when I wasn’t ready or willing.  That was more likely because I was terrified of anyone seeing me naked and judging me at my most vulnerable state.

I used to think to myself, “Once I am out of high school, things will be different.  I will be different.  People will see that I have value, and they will want to be around me.”  Things did change, but for the worse.  I had a wider array of people who preyed on low self esteem.  I welcomed those people into my life and allowed them the power to control me through my need to be accepted.  I would cry sometimes.  Why do I have to be this way?  Then I found alcohol.  Alcohol took me to places that I thought I liked.  I was able to talk without being afraid that people would think I was stupid.  I could be free.  I had liquid courage!  Years later, I realize that alcohol was a substitute for dealing head on with my need for accceptance from other people.  I felt like people liked me because I was that crazy girl that you never knew what she would do next.  Karaoke?  YES!  Flirt with anyone?  YES!!  Party all night, and still show up to work the next day?  Oh yeah!  Close down the bar?  You know it!  What a fun girl!

But you know what?  It wasn’t fun.  I was slowly losing every bit of my authentic self while striving to be what I am not.  I am not a party girl.  I love spreadsheets.  I am not a flirty girl.  I am reserved.  I am smart.  I am scheduled.  I am loyal.  I am driven.


As you know, this lifestyle caught up with me.  Two completely failed marriages, doubled my body weight, fired from a great job, and, SURPRISE…all those people that loved the crazy girl weren’t there for me when it all crashed in.  They moved to the next crazy girl.  They peeled off, one by one, as things got hard.  My life fell apart, and they were only interested in watching the train wreck.  They didn’t seem to realize or maybe even care that I was an actual person.  

Flash forward to today.  Even though I have lost weight.  Even though I have acccomplished goals.  Even though I am at peace with most parts of my life, I still struggle with accepting every part of myself.  In the header photo for this blog post, I have put a picture in from my recent dream vacation to Hawaii.  I don’t see the beautiful ocean, or the famous pier in Hanalei Bay.  I see cellulite.  I see the constant negative self talk about my ‘disgusting’ legs.  I didn’t put it up for you to tell me, “Ah, but you are pretty!” or for you to tell me it’s not bad and you can’t see it.  I posted that picture because I am outting myself.  I struggle every day with accepting myself.  I love WHO I am, but I am critical of what I look like.  


Last summer, Wave and I decided that we should go to the high school pool one Saturday.  Typical Arizona summer day, stifling hot and unbearable.  I was excited!  Yes, let’s go cool off and swim.  But then, I put on my swimsuit and I was horrified.  I was paralyzed.  I started stalling.  Of course I have to sweep and mop before we can go.  Oh, but I need to do our weekly meal prep before we can go.  Finally, Wave took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and asked me what was going on.  I knew I had to be honest, so I told him that I am terrified of people looking at my cellulite and being disgusted by me.  He just hugged me and told me that we didn’t have to go.  I, on the other hand, knew that I had to face this.  It was scary, but I did it.  No one vomited, or fainted by the sight of my cellulite, so that was good.

  

So, how does one begin the journey of self acceptance?  For me, it was a pretty methodical process.  First, I had to write out everything I hated about myself.  What were the negative thoughts that were rolling around in my head?  “No one likes me.”  “People think I am stupid.”  “I am a burden to others, because they only feel sorry for me.”  There is a lot of healing that is initiated in this step.  Shining a light on the monsters under the bed makes them less frightening.  I looked at each piece and broke it down.  Why do I think no one likes me?  Maybe I am surrounding myself with people who are not really there for friendship, but are they going to use me for something in their own agenda.  Am I truly an unlikeable person?  What are the qualities that I see in myself that ARE likeable?  Finally, what kind of person do I want as an ideal friend?  Do the qualities in me line up with the qualities I want in a friend?  We often hear the phrase, “Opposites attract.”  Though that may be true in science, in my experience, birds of a feather really do flock together.  If I want a friend who listens to me, and who keeps things in confidence and doesn’t blab my problems to everyone, am I a friend who listens to others intently, and keep their issues confidential?

In essence, self acceptance comes with a lot of soul searching and brutal honesty with yourself.  We often tell ourselves what we want to believe, but is not exactly true.  One may tell themselves, “No one wants me because I don’t have the body of a cover model!”  In reality, no one wants me because I act like a piece of human trash who is selfish and doesn’t value others in the way I expect to be valued.  The only way we can truly change is to first and foremost, be honest and cut out all the BS.  You are only a victim if you want to be.  Feeling sorry for yourself is being a victim.  Being shy is not a character flaw.  Expecting the world to cater to you because you are shy is. If you want to be accepted, then start with accepting yourself.  If you want a great self esteem, do something esteemable!   If you don’t like what you are, change it!  You have power over your thoughts, words, and actions.  If you want people to be friendly with you, then be a friendly person!  Say hello to a stranger. There is no danger in that.  Just a simple, “Hello!”  Tip the corners of your mouth up and walk around with a smile instead of a stoic and unexpressive face.  Let people know that you care what they have to say. If you hear someone say something that strikes a profound chord within you, tell them that you appreciate their words, or if you like what they are wearing that day, say so!  Be honest with yourself, and decide if you are willing to acccept the things you don’t like about yourself (like cellulite on your thighs), or if you aren’t willing to accept it, then are you willing to change it?  For me, I have to always be in a constant state of loving who I am right now, but always striving to be better.  Be willing to adapt the belief that the only opinion that matters is your own.  If no one else likes it, F*&k ’em!  It just does not matter what other people think.  They don’t get to have that power over you, unless you let them.


My friends, what I know is that we all have really silly hang ups, and monsters in our closets.  I haven’t met a perfect person yet.  I know that a lot of people that know me think I have my act together, and I am a zen master.  But I am not.  I have issues.  There are things that I accept.  There are things that I am working on changing.  There are things that I am finally admitting to myself, and I am always and forever cleaning out my closet.  Please know, whatever it is that you are going through, you are not alone.  That deep, dark secret that you have been carrying around for most of your life…I am positive that someone else has done that too.  In finding ourselves, we become less judgmental of others.  We start to appreciate the flaws and failings that make us who we are today.  We become more open and honest beings with one another, and we start to become just a bit more understanding and open to others.  I am always here for you, either by the ‘contact’ form at the end of the blog, in the comments section, or on Instagram (@healhierversionofchris).  We are all in this together.  Stop questioning yourself, and understand this….

You’re probably NOT crazy!!!

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Have you ever read that book, “The Secret”?  I know, I know…but stick with me on this one.  For those of you that haven’t read the book or seen the subsequent movie, the basic premise is that what ever you put out into the universe, you will get back.  If you put out worry that you will be broke, the universe will grant your wish, and you will find yourself broke.  On the flip side, though, if you visualize yourself being content and financially stable, that will happen for you as well.  This is the secret that separates you from the wealthy and successful.  They know how to harness their thoughts, and you don’t…yet.  Now, I am NOT presuming to know if you are wealthy, successful, or content.  What I do know is that when I talk about controlling my thoughts, I usually get a very puzzled look.  “There is NO WAY to control your thoughts!  My brain thinks thoughts all day and all night, it has nothing to do with me!!”  If this is true, then why the slogan ‘Think Positive’?

The first time I was told that I could control my thoughts was shortly after I sobered up.  I am sure that not all who come to read these musings know what that is like, so let me explain.  Have you ever gone swimming all day long in a pool with your eyes open?  Your ears are sloshy.  Your eyes sting and you can’t see anything clearly.  Your skin crawls and tightens from the chlorine.  People talk to you, but you feel tired and groggy and not really present.  That’s how the first bit of sobriety felt to me.  So, when I heard this revolutionary idea that I can control my thoughts, my honest reactions was, “Bullshit”.  The truly beautiful thing about our minds is that we take ideas, push them to the back,  roll them around, and digest them, all without knowing it.  

When I was finally ready to accept that maybe I could try, I also had to swallow a pretty big pill along with it.  I had to accept that if I had power over my thoughts, then I have always had power over my thoughts.  Therefore, this warped reality I had been living, these negative thoughts that consumed me, were all within my power.  I had to accept that I had done all of this to myself.  Maybe knowing that I had to accept this idea was what made me balk so heavily in the first place.  It’s pretty scary, but, as we have already discussed, you can’t live any kind life if you are consumed with fear.

Albert-Einstein-quoteIf you’ve ever taken a yoga class, or tried to meditate, you may have heard the idea that you can guide your thoughts.  So, how the heck do you do this?  You may be yelling at the screen, “How do I stop thinking about my grocery list, my kid’s schedules, the vet appointment, the undone laundry, EVERYTHING going on at work, not to mention what I am doing for dinner?”  Well, let me tell you how I did it, and maybe you can find a way too.

In my previous mariage (let’s just get this on the table, I have been married 3 times…THREE TIMES!  So, yeah, I have a lot of marriage experience, and a great sense of humor regarding my failings.  Moving on…), I was always focused on being a victim.  I seriously was always mad about what my ex husband was doing to make my life so terrible.  If I think of things in terms of ‘The Secret’, you can only imagine how much misery the universe was dropping at my doorstep, because all that I was putting out there was how miserable I was.  One day, I changed.  I decided it was time to change the course of things.  When I started to think about what a jerk he was, I noticed the thought, and replaced it with The Lord’s Prayer.  If you’ve ever been in a 12 step program, The Lord’s Prayer is like saying ‘Om’ over and over and over.  It was the one thing I knew like the back of my hand.  At a moments notice, I could think the words, “Our Father, who art in heaven.  Hallowed be thy name…” and it acted like a mantra.  

Happy-face-among-sadness That’s it?  Yep.  That’s it… First, notice the thought.  Your brain is often working on auto pilot. By the time we reach adulthood, we don’t even notice thoughts coming and going anymore.   So, by noticing the thought, you are starting to turn off the auto pilot.  If the thought doesn’t serve you, start methodically repeating, in your mind something that does.  “Life is beautiful.”  “Today I will be the change that I want to see in the world.”  “It is never too late to be who I always should have been.”  “There is no time like the present.”  Anything that is at least neutral, at best a positive message.  When you start, you may find that you are repeating your mantra almost all day.  The great news is, we are very intelligent and adaptable beings.  Once you make the decision to change your life, your mind will follow suit quickly. The first few days are the hardest.  If you fail, then you redeploy your mantra, and you keep going as soon as you noticed that you failed.

Now that you are starting to come off of auto pilot, you will start to notice your thoughts, and you may start to notice patterns.  These patterns may surprise you.  I personally noticed that my mind was often giving me thoughts such as, “You are fat.  No one likes you.  You have no friends.  People only feel sorry for you.  You will never be truly loved.”  Just typing that makes me feel terrible!!  None of that is true, nor was it true at the time.  Once I gained confidence with changing my thoughts, I started to push out the negative thoughts consciously with their positive counters.  “I am healthy.  I like myself.  I don’t care if people like me or not, I have value.  I am appreciated.  I feel loved.”  Do not let the negativity of your auto pilot thoughts scare you.  If you were harnessing your thoughts all along, you never would have allowed this to happen.  You just didn’t know that years and years of people telling you you are not good enough and you believing it have manifested in your thoughts for reinforcement.  

After a while, it feels like you have an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other, like a cartoon.  You become pretty skilled at recognizing the lies that your brain has grown accustomed to telling you, and you easily shut it down and replace it with something that is true.  In time, you will have completely retrained your way of thinking, and you will likely go back on to auto pilot, but this time, your thoughts are now geared towards your opportunities and possibilities, and not pinning you down to the ground.  You may find that stress is no longer really stressful.  You may also start to see that a lot of what you found so stressful before is totally manageable now.  What if you started to write down the changes that your see, so you can go back a year from now to remind yourself just how far you have come?  

If you have mastered guided thought, but all of sudden, you start to feel stressed again, or maybe you are feeling uneasy or just not at peace, start listening in on your thoughts.  Unfortunately, it is possible to relapse into that great abyss of negative self talk.  You may have had an upsetting event at work.  You may have had a senseless arguement with your spouse that fed the negativity.  Maybe you have a parent that is like the T-Rex at Jurassiac Park, and is constantly testing their boundaries with you.  Check in with yourself.  Find your mantra again.  Every time you need to get back on track, it gets easier and easier.

Friends, take care of yourselves. Maybe you are thinking of Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live from that late ’80’s.  Maybe you’re thinking that this is a lot of new age bullshit.  Maybe.  Or maybe it is going to the back of your brain now for you to roll around and consider until you are willing to accept responsibility for the role you have played in your own misery.  Or maybe you are already here, and, like me, you find gratitude for the hard pieces of your life.  For, if we don’t have the hard times, we would never know what we are actually made of.  

How do you feel about the idea of controlling your thoughts?  Is it really hocus pocus, or is there something to this?  Let me know in the comments section, or on Twitter or Instagram, or you can contact me by using the contact form on the home page.  I think that you may be starting to figure out that I know one for sure….

You’re probably not crazy!!!

I’m Ready To Start…But Where Do I Begin?

Have you ever changed?  I mean really changed something about yourself so drastically that it essentially took your entire life in a completely different direction?  If you haven’t, you are in the majority.  I can say this with confidence because of my own unscientific studies of the people I come in contact with.  There is something that happens to you when you are able to take hold of a life-changing shift.  All of a sudden, your path is littered with people who want what you have.  It’s a bit strange at first, to be completely honest.  I dragged myself out of the proverbial gutter.  Why would anyone look to me, of all people, for help?  It’s not because I went from fat to thin.  It’s not because I went from smoker to non-smoker.  It’s not because I went from drunk to sober.  It is because all of these things were only possible because of a profound shift in thinking.

It is interesting how we, as a culture, treat each other.  A woman who dresses provocatively or has a tattoo on her lower back must be ‘easy’.  A man with a belly must enjoy beer and barbecue and probably hides from his nagging wife in his man cave.  A person who decides to go to the gym in January is just going to quit in 2 weeks because they are weak willed.  A man who body builds must be at the pinnacle of health because his body is so fit.  All of these are examples of false correlations.  We judge each other by what we think we know, but in reality, we don’t know anything about anyone other than ourselves.  Since we are all guilty of creating these often false storylines in our minds, it only makes sense that we would have a fear of the storylines others will create about us.  This fear often paralyzes us into inaction.

When I finally surrendered to all of these things that ailed me, it was difficult to know where to begin.  I spoke wth my doctor, and his advice was to stop smoking first.  Of course, me being me, I didn’t follow his advice.  I had already quit drinking, and started to lose some weight.  I had convinced myself that if I was to quit smoking, I would gain the weight back, and be too upset to try to lose it again, because it would just be another failure.  The simple answer here is that you have to take the path that you choose.  If you only have one major issue to deal with, consider yourself very lucky!  You have only one decision to make.  No matter what direction you take, if you are making a positive change, in the scheme if things, it isn’t going to matter what you do first.  What matters is that you choose to make change and commit to the change.

What I want to talk about today is getting started with exercise.  It is always advisable to talk with your doctor to make sure that you are ok to begin exercising.  Just a reminder, I am not a medical professional.  I am only sharing with you my experience to help you to formulate your own roadmap to change.  I will always advise that you get your team of medical professionals (Physician, Chiropractor, Massage Therapist, ETC) on your side, and working for you.  Make sure that they are invested in you.  The first thing I discuss with anyone I consider bringing on my team is that I do not want to be prescribed an array of medications.  If I have an issue, I want to work together to find the cause, not treat the symptoms.  I am not interested in pumping myself full of medications for the rest of my life.  Mind you, there are things that are unavoidable.  I have no way to control my testosterone levels, and I need medical intervention to help me with that. However, I am able to make changes in my diet to control much of what many people just prefer to not deal with.  For example, when I was 20, I was diagnosed with IBS, or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  Basically, stomach aches, indigestion, severe constipation, followed by severe…not constipation.  The cure?  Take these pills.  They will help maybe with pain.  Never once was it suggested that the things I eat could be causing a problem, and making simple changes in my dietary lifestyle could cure me.  After many years, I decided on a whim to get tested for food sensitivities.  Turns out, I’m sensitive to many things, including black pepper, eggs, casein (protein in cow’s milk), and pineapple.  Guess what I was eating for lunch every day?  Cottage cheese with pineapple and pepper, and a hard boiled egg.  Once I stopped, the ‘IBS’ disappeared.  You can see how a shift in my perspective changed my life here.  I had always put my medical fate in the hands of doctors.  Once I took over control, everything changed.  Remember, their job is to give you suggestions, and help you to make informed decisions.  Often, we find ourselves leaving those decisions in their hands.  It is now time for you to take your life off of auto pilot, and take back control of your medical destiny.

Past-future
Ok, ok…you came here to figure out how you can start an exercise program, and stick with it.  Let’s talk about that.  If you are overweight or out of shape, going to a gym may be something that is completely out of the question for you. It was for me.  Even though I had lost weight, I didn’t want anyone to look at me, or judge me.  I wasn’t comfortable asking questions, and I didn’t feel like I deserved to be there.  I knew, however, that my body needed to be challenged to repair the damage I had done through years of mistreatment.  I decided that it was ok for me to go to a thrift shop andpurchase used exercise DVD’s and do them in the privacy of my home.  You can now purchase apps, like ‘Daily Burn’ or ‘Gaia’ that will provide different work outs directly to your smart tv, phone, computer, or tablet, so you can begin your journey privately and with some dignity.  I understand that there are some truly amazing people who are able to go to a gym and not care what other people think.  I admire that courage.  I was unable to overcome that fear, so I started with home work outs.  

Walking-for-health
I know that one of my most frequent excuses to myself was that I don’t have time.  That was simply not true.  I decided that if I needed this change badly enough, I should be able to wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual to devote to my health.  So, I would rise at 5:30am, with the rest of the house still fast asleep, and do my exercise DVD without anyone watching and laughing.  I told myself that I can do anything for 30 days, and did not give myself any way out of it.  Something interesting started to happen immediately.  Even though I was getting 30 minutes less sleep, my energy level was through the roof.  I work upstairs in a building with only two floors. Believe it or not, I would always take the elevator to my desk.  Once I started my exercise program, it occurred to me that I should take the stairs.  It never even crossed my mind that that was an option before.  Once I started taking the stairs, I decided that parking as close to the building as possible maybe was too easy.  I started parking at the back of the lot.  Once I started parking at the back, I started to wonder if I was getting the 10,000 steps a day that are recommended to maintain good health, so I bought a $5 pedometer.  The pedometer showed that I was getting about 4,000 steps a day, so I decided that I could do better.

It was after a few months of this new found activity that my sister invited me to join her and my brother in law to do “Pat’s Run”. At the time, I had no idea what this even was.  I went to the internet to educate myself.  Once I read about Pat Tillman, with tears running down my cheeks, I immediately signed up.  Mind you, I had never run a full mile in my life.  I played sports as a kid, and I had convinced myself that I was a sprinter.  I HATED RUNNING.  I refused to run in PE.  However, I found inspiration in the story of Pat Tillman, and the tragedy of his life cut short was fuel enough for me to run.  I knew that I had a propensity to be overwhelmed and give up, so I started with around the block.  If I can run around the block the whole way, then I can go farther next time.  So, around the block I went, which my trusty pedometer told me was 1/4 mile.  I did it!  I didn’t even die!  The next day, around the block and then half way.  Again, Success!  I kept increasing the distance, settling into running on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  It was at this point that I felt worthy to join a gym.


I joined our local YMCA, which happened to be just a few miles from the house.  I signed up the whole family, hoping that others would be inspired by the new fire for life I had discovered.  I started taking Zumba once a week and would bring along anyone interested to join me.  I started lifting weights and using machines.  I rekindled my love for swimming, and started swimming laps in the pool for an hour at a time.  The more I tried, the more I loved it.  I do not know if people made snide comments about me not belonging there, but I never saw that.  People may not have been overly friendly, but they did start to give the approving nod to me, silently acknowledging that I, too, belonged.  It appears that my fears were once again proven unreasonable.

I do understand that not every gym has a welcoming environment.   I have seen the news story of the former Playboy Model who took nude pictures of an unsuspecting gym member and shamed her on social media.  I was also glad to see the outrage that she provoked, and was eventually brought up on charges for her malicious and truly inhumane behhavior.  I have hopes that this is a sign of the end of this ridiculous body shaming trend that we have seen for far too long.  I am also beyond thrilled to see the calling out of airbrushing and photo shopping of models on magazine covers and in movies, which have for years provided us with images of bodies that are unrealistic and unattainable.  

Let’s break this down in to easy to commit to bullet points:

  • Get yourself a pedometer.  It doesn’t need to be anything that is beyond $10.  Just something that can give you an idea of how many steps you are walking.  Get your base number, and try to increase it every week by 500-1000 steps a day until you are walking 10,000 steps a day.
  • Decide what you are willing to do.  Are you willing to ride a bike?  Are you willing to work out at home?  Are you willing to get up 30 minutes early?  
  • Understand that exercise will not necessarily facilitate weight loss.  You might see weight loss, but you certainly shouldn’t rely on exercise to manage your weight.  If you haven’t already read my blog post on “What is the fastest way I can lose weight…”, read it. Exercise will help strengthen your bones and muscles, and is wonderful for the health of your organs.  Mindfulness and healthy eating will have the biggest impact on weight management.  Both are important.
  • Start small.  Set attainable goals.  It is dangerous to set a goal of “I’m going to run the Boston Marathon” if you are pretty sedentary.  Start with “I will walk 5,000 steps every day this week, no exceptions!”  And then do it!  Don’t allow yourself to make an excuse.  If you have a busy week, get up early and walk before the day starts.
  • Don’t restrict yourself on attainable goals.  If you know in your heart that one day you do want to run a marathon, start with a mile.  Educate yourself on what you are interested in.  Think you want to hike?  Learn about hiking, get the proper gear, read about successful hikers, and formulate your goals to push you along the path to your ultimate goal of hiking the Grand Canyon.  If you want to do it, then first work on convincing yourself that you can without a doubt do it.  Visualize the achievement.  Then set small, strategic goals to get there.  (On a personal note, this is where I am at with running a marathon.  More on this in a future blog.)
  • Think about what you loved as a kid.  What was fun on the playground?  Remember that exhilarating feeling of playing?  Try to revive that feeling with exercise.  It doesn’t have to be awful and hard.  You will often catch Wave and I on the playground on the monkey bars, or running around the track, or climbing on equipment.  Obey your local park rules for sure, but also, HAVE FUN!  
  • Keep challenging yourself.  Your body is highly adaptable.  If you do the same thing everyday, you won’t see any changes.  Keep your body guessing.
  • Balance is important!  Not just metaphorical balance, but actually being able to balance your body while standing on one foot is very important.  It signifies core strength and muscle balance.  For instance, I have almost comically weak hips, and you might too!!  Many of us sit all day at work, which really messes with your core.  (Core meaning middle, low back and hips.  We tend to think of abs when we reference our core, but that is just one component). Try this:  In front of a mirror, do a squat.  The bottom of your squat should have your knees at a 90 degree angle.  Are your knees inline with your feet, or does one or both fold in?  It’s not a bad idea to take that free personal trainer session that gyms usually offer and ask them to evaluate you for muscle imbalances and cardiovascular health.  The internet, and especially YouTube, is fantastic to learn more about muscle imbalances and how to correct them.  THIS IS IMPORTANT!  I am a Personal Trainer, and I suffer from imbalances!  In fact, I’ve been in rehab for months now on an injury caused by weak hips that I knew about and decided to keep running anyway and not address them.
  • Surround yourself with encouraging people.  Get a work out buddy if you feel like you need the accountability.  Don’t listen to the people who want to put your down, or the back handed compliments.  Take the good things, leave the bad.  Believe in yourself, and the negative comments won’t determine your future.  Know that your mind may be looking for ways to keep you from changing as a protective mechanism.  Fight against it!  Time for you to take control of your destiny!

I feel like this post is all over the place, so I apologize if you have whiplash after reading this.  I am always here for you.  You can submit questions or comments through the ‘Contact Me’ form, and I will get right back with you.  Take courage, and remember…you can’t start on your amazing journey without taking that first step.  Be courageous!

Oh, and remember this…you are probably not crazy!!

Fly-to-freedom