When will the darkness leave?  My lifelong battle with depression

I was totally devastated this week.  Chester Bennington, singer for Linkin Park, ended his life.  He was my age.  His Arizona home is a few miles from mine.  His son attends my daughter’s high school.  In fact, our next concert was next month, Linkin Park.  Tickets purchased months ago.  Before the news broke, we were talking about how excited we were that the concert was just a mere month away.  He, like me, and so many other people, struggled with depression and addiction.  Before Chester, Chris Cornell.   Are their lives more valuable than any of ours? Of course not.  But the tragic loss of their lives brings back to the forefront the often silent and ignored battle many of us fight alone.  Chester’s lyrics always reflected what he was going through, which made him such a relatable figure.  I have read so many tributes.  “A part of me dies with him.”  “I feel like I just lost my childhood.”  “You always spoke to me.”  “Please come back.” And then, then inevitable, “Only a coward commits suicide”, which truly, maybe shut up if you are saying that.  Just don’t.  Same goes for the “Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do” people.  Stop talking. 

We don’t shame people for having cancer, or heart disease.  We do like to judge people who are in depression, or have a form of mental illness.  I distinctly remember being a young mother, sitting at a table at work, when a man who was in his forties came and sat at the table with me.  He started talking badly about a more difficult customer, calling them ‘bi-polar’ as an insult.  I pulled out my courage and  said to him, “I’m bi-poplar, but you are still talking to me, so he must not be that bad then I guess.”  The simple truth is this.  If you have not experienced the sucking black hole of depression, or a depressive disorder, perhaps you should sit down and stop talking.  I’m not meaning to come across as harsh here.  Or maybe I am.  


A few years back, I sat in a meeting with the owner of the company I work at.  It seemed obvious that something rather earth shattering had happened to either him, or someone close to him.  He started to talk to us about signs.  We all wear signs.  Most of our signs are invisible.  The person who smiles at you in the hall everyday may have a sign that says, “My son is being bullied and I don’t know how to make it stop.”  The person you work next to you may have a sign that says, “I don’t fit in here or anywhere.  Please help me.”  But because our signs are invisible, we can’t know what anyone else is feeling or going through unless they tell us.  He asked us to please remember that every one of us has something, and kindness is always warranted.  

I remember the first time I felt depressed.  I was 10 years old.  I went into my bedroom, shut the door, sat in the dark and cried.  My sister came into my room and asked why I was crying.  I told her I didn’t know.  I just can’t not cry.  She sat with me and hugged me, and then left.  As much as I wanted her embrace to make me feel better, it didn’t.  I just felt dark.  Like all of the light in the room and in my body was being sucked away from me, like a black hole swallows everything around it with no remorse.  It is not sadness.  It is empty.  It is feeling that no one cares, and you are a burden.  You want people to stay, but you want them to leave you alone.  It’s confusing.  You can’t articulate what you want or what you need.  Others may marginalized your feelings..  Everythign cuts.  Everything hurts.


In my early twenties, I was diagnosed as a rapid cycling manic depressive.  What the heck is that, right?  Basically, I can go from the depths of depression, to an all out mania, back down to depression several times a day.  For someone who craves stability, you can only imagine how frustrating and exhausting this can be.  The mania helped to get me into steep credit card debt, but also helped me to have a very clean house and organized files.  I remember being up at 2am on a week night feeling like I needed to reorganize and purge all of my files.  To the point where I felt jolted out of bed because the need was overwhelming.  I know now that my drinking was self-medicating to just make it stop.  If I got drunk enough, I wouldn’t wake up.  There were times that I hoped that I would just go to sleep and never wake up again.  Thankfully, that didn’t happen.


There was one point in my life that I was on 4 or 5 different medications, drinking heavily, and taking sleeping pills.  How did I live through this?  Friends, this is why I forever admire the resilience of the human body.  It seems impossible that I didn’t accidentally die from overdose.  To this day, I can’t bring myself to even take Advil unless there is just no other way.  I maybe take 10 a year, if that.  I don’t impose this strict regimen on anyone else.  I know, for me, I am lucky to be alive.  I need to respect my liver and kidneys and give them every opportunity to recover and heal from the years of abuse.  

There is help available.  It is hard as hell to ask for help.  And you need to use the help in a way that if helpful to you.  That sounds dumb, let me explain what I mean.  I took every pill the doctor gave me.  I told him that they don’t work, give me more and more and more.  I didn’t tell him I was drinking at a very dangerous level.  If my older self could kick my younger self’s ass, you bet I would!  Medications help to stop the cycle.  They can help you put on the brakes so you have an opportunity to work on yourself.  For me, I have found what helps is for me to have an honest dialogue constantly with myself.  I have to recognize negative self talk when it creeps in, and I have to vigilantly keep it from taking hold.  I have to deal with every painful thing that comes into my life immediately, and I have to let shit go.  What I did with medication was not what it was intended to be used for.  I used it as a crutch instead of a tool.  Talking helps.  I talked, but I was never honest.  To be able to keep my mental health in check, I have to be 100% honest with myself, and with everyone around me.  Now, there is a difference between honesty and over-sharing.  It’s important to be appropriate, and not over share with people who don’t need to know EVERYTHING about you.  Still…talk to people..  There are times that I feel depression creeping back.  I talk about it.  I call out the boogeyman.  I will not suffer silently anymore.  I will not let the emotional pain become so debilitating that I wish for the end.


As we have seen from these very high profile suicides lately, this disease doesn’t discriminate.  I encourage you to take courage.  Take people to task who believe that calling someone ‘mental’ or ‘crazy’ or ‘bipolar’ is acceptable. Let’s stand up and stop stigmatizing mental illness.  I am no longer hiding in the shadows.  I have problems.  People who know me now have no idea what I used to be.  “No way are you bipolar!  Impossible!  You’re such a positive person!”  I think that maybe we should recognize those invisible signs.  Maybe compassion, empathy, and understanding don’t have to be lost on us anymore.  Maybe just listening for once, instead of just making our own points, is more important.  Maybe that person next to you needs to hear that you are glad to see them today.  Maybe a passing smile and nod is all the person on the street needs today.  Today, I pledge to you that I will smile more, I will acknowledge strangers, I will speak up and say, “I hope you have a good day today.”  We can change the world.  Kindness is all it takes.  I challenge you to join me.  Let’s help carry the load of others.  

I am sitting and watching a July 2017 Linkin Park concert, and I am fighting back tears.  To be surrounded by thousands of people who love and admire you, and still feel empty.  Please, don’t choose a permanent solution to temporary problems.  The world can’t stand to lose any more of us to this affliction.  Keep fighting.  You are not alone.

…and you are probably not crazy either!

Finding Motivation:  How to light your fire and keep it burning, even when it gets tough

Close your eyes.   Wait, don’t. How can you read this if your eyes are closed?  Instead, imagine with me Friday afternoon.  It’s probably been a really long week at work.  That guy you work with has been dancing on your last nerve.  Your neighbor has been working on keeping you up all night with left over Fourth of July fire crackers.  The kids are crabby.  Your spouse is feeling run down.  You?  You feel totally overwhelmed.   All you can think about is crashing and binge watching Netflix until it’s time to get up Monday morning, and start all over again.  This, my friends, is the rat race.  Is this the life you really want?  You see Facebook posts from perfect moms who go on perfect runs every perfect day and have perfect kids, and wonder, “How in the world is that possible, when I am struggling to just make it every day??”

If I said I didn’t have days like this, you would know I am lying.  Or maybe you wouldn’t.  The social media perfection machine makes me feel like such a failure some days.  Don’t get me wrong, I use social media.  It has one of two effects on me.  I either feel like such a complete loser by comparing myself to posts that may or may not be embellished, or I feel totally inspired to get off my tired bum and make myself better.  For me, Facebook is a total lost cause.  I gave up around the time that everyone I knew was farming fake crops and wanting me to contribute to their imaginary farms.  In my opinion, it was too much a time wasting, passive-aggressive bragging fest for my tastes.  Thankfully, I simply deleted my account and moved on with life.  Today, I use Instagram to look at positive and uplifting accounts to keep me moving towards my goals and grant me a bit of motivation.


 On many occasions, we go into changes and view them as a temporary existence.  Think: Diet.  We commit to ourselves that we will stick with the change until we reach a specific goal or number, then every thing can go back to the way it was, and we can ride our unicorn to the end of the rainbow where we will be granted the perfect body and everyone will love and accept us.  In the beginning of my journey, I thought that is what would happen for me.  In fact, I went cold turkey Vegan one time, and expected pounds to just fall off of me.  They didn’t, and I quit.  What was my motivation?  I wanted all of the glory with none of the work.  I thought that if I just give up meat, I would have a model’s body.  When that didn’t happen in two weeks, I quit.  Does this sound familiar?

At some point, we need to examine our motivations.  Not just what’s on the surface, but the deeper motivations for choices.  I used to be very afraid to know what my true motivations were.  Now, I jump at the chance to look deeper.  The more I know about myself, the better I am about making good choices for myself.  Case in point:  I have a sensitivity to yeasts and casein.  This means that breads and cheeses are really bad for me.  However, sometimes, the idea of pizza gets in my head, and I let go of all logic and do everything I can to convince my family that pizza is a good idea.  Every time I start to get under the spell of a piping hot pie, I need to think about my motivation.  I know it’s not good for me.  I know I am going to have stomach aches for 2 weeeks.  I know it’s going to make me irritable.  I know that once I have it, I will crave it more.  So what is my motivation?  Well, much like everyone else, I can fall prey to eating my feelings.  Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, sometimes I feel like work is overwhelming, sometimes I just don’t feel good about myself, and sometimes, I just feel like I deserve a treat.  You know, like a cheat day!  But my cheat days end in weeks of pain and discomfort.  Just like everyone else, I also at times just feel entitled.  I eat well, I work out…I deserve it!


So, how can we find positive motivation, and keep it long enough to accomplish anything?  I feel like I’ve painted a grim picture for you.  My intention is to show you that you are totally capable of doing the impossible.  You can use motivation for good or for bad, just like social media!  Many moons ago, I was challenged to do Pat’s Run.  I had never really run anything but my mouth before, but something in my head just changed.  I wanted to run this.  I wanted to run the entire 4.2 miles.  So I started to train.  And I kept going.  I had a week long vacation scheduled to Washington DC.  I walked for miles all day long, and then would go to my hotel and run on a treadmill.  What was my motivation?  I wanted to prove to myself that I was not ‘that girl’.  In high school, I would wear my resistance to running as a badge of honor, when truthfully, I was totally embarrassed.  I didn’t want to try because I didn’t want people to know that, though I was a really good sprinter, I had no endurance.  This was a chance to prove to myself that I could do it.  That I could gain endurance.  That I was capable of change.

Possibly the best way to change your mindset is to start with a small goal.  What is it that you want?  What is on your mind?  Do you want to prove something to yourself, like I did?  Do you just want to know if you have what it takes to just see something through?  I was once told, “People who can start things are great.  People who can finish things are great.  The person who is able to both start and finish is exceptional.”  Doesn’t that seem strange?  I always felt like everyone around me had their act together.  That everything came easy to them, and everything was a struggle for me.  When I hear and understand that people who are able to both start and finish are exceptional, I begin to understand that everyone puts up a facade, just like I do.  If I know that, it’s easier for me to believe that I can do anything that I want to.  


Since I don’t know what you want to do as a challenge, let’s talk about a recent goal that I took on.  Oxygen Magazine hosts a challenge annually, which is a 3 month body and diet boot camp of sorts.  At the sign up, you can choose one of two coaches (some people choose both), and you start your 90 days of eating and working out according to your fitness pro coach’s plan.  I have been telling myself every year that I could never do that.  90 days is a long time.  That’s a big commitment.  This year was different.  Last year, I had a bone tumor on my tibia removed in August, and ran a half marathon in November.  That experience alone was enough to tell me that I can commit to 90 days, and I have no excuses.  Through training for the half, I learned how to not be so rigid in my schedule, and to start to look at time before and after work as opportunities, and not just tv time.  In fact, when I started to utilize those hours, I became less run-down at the end of the week.  I stopped telling myself that I don’t have time to run during the week, and started getting up earlier.  After work, I started cross training for 30-45 minutes.  I wasn’t missing out on anything.  I was cutting out dead time that I was spending on the couch.  Sometimes, you just need a goal that is so exciting to you that you area willing to look at possibilities instead of probably nots.

So, I signed up!  I am on #Team Jamie, under coach Jamie Eason Middleton.  I just finished week one.  Some days were pretty easy.  Some have been pretty tough.  But every day has been an inspiration.  Every day is a choice.  Am I going to stick it out and complete the goal, or am I giving up?  So far, I choose success.  That choice has inspired my husband to do it with me.  I don’t know what the next 11 weeks will hold. I am sure that there will be days when I am tired, or discouraged.  On those days, I need to examine my motivation.  If I am not motivated to be my best and have the healthiest body possible, then I need to change things.

Ok, I outed myself.  Now it’s your turn!  What are your goals?  What do you want to achieve?  Maybe it’s a one mile walk.  Maybe it is a marathon.  Maybe you just want to run around the block.  What ever it is, what is stopping you?  What are your motivations?  What are you fears?  The more you know your self, the more you understand your own patterns and cycles, the more you can harness your energies and become the best you possible.  Every.  Damn.  Day.  You CAN be exceptional.  You CAN be a starter AND a finisher.  Take it from a former great finisher, who is currently exceptional.  Don’t give yourself options.  Don’t give yourself a way out.  I believe in you.  Set those goals.  Take steps to achieve them.  I’m always here for you.  You can reach me in the ‘contact’ form, or through Instagram @healthierversionofchris. No matter what happened in your past, you don’t have to let it determine your future.  No matter what, I only know this….

You’re probably not crazy!!!

I’m Ready To Start…But Where Do I Begin?

Have you ever changed?  I mean really changed something about yourself so drastically that it essentially took your entire life in a completely different direction?  If you haven’t, you are in the majority.  I can say this with confidence because of my own unscientific studies of the people I come in contact with.  There is something that happens to you when you are able to take hold of a life-changing shift.  All of a sudden, your path is littered with people who want what you have.  It’s a bit strange at first, to be completely honest.  I dragged myself out of the proverbial gutter.  Why would anyone look to me, of all people, for help?  It’s not because I went from fat to thin.  It’s not because I went from smoker to non-smoker.  It’s not because I went from drunk to sober.  It is because all of these things were only possible because of a profound shift in thinking.

It is interesting how we, as a culture, treat each other.  A woman who dresses provocatively or has a tattoo on her lower back must be ‘easy’.  A man with a belly must enjoy beer and barbecue and probably hides from his nagging wife in his man cave.  A person who decides to go to the gym in January is just going to quit in 2 weeks because they are weak willed.  A man who body builds must be at the pinnacle of health because his body is so fit.  All of these are examples of false correlations.  We judge each other by what we think we know, but in reality, we don’t know anything about anyone other than ourselves.  Since we are all guilty of creating these often false storylines in our minds, it only makes sense that we would have a fear of the storylines others will create about us.  This fear often paralyzes us into inaction.

When I finally surrendered to all of these things that ailed me, it was difficult to know where to begin.  I spoke wth my doctor, and his advice was to stop smoking first.  Of course, me being me, I didn’t follow his advice.  I had already quit drinking, and started to lose some weight.  I had convinced myself that if I was to quit smoking, I would gain the weight back, and be too upset to try to lose it again, because it would just be another failure.  The simple answer here is that you have to take the path that you choose.  If you only have one major issue to deal with, consider yourself very lucky!  You have only one decision to make.  No matter what direction you take, if you are making a positive change, in the scheme if things, it isn’t going to matter what you do first.  What matters is that you choose to make change and commit to the change.

What I want to talk about today is getting started with exercise.  It is always advisable to talk with your doctor to make sure that you are ok to begin exercising.  Just a reminder, I am not a medical professional.  I am only sharing with you my experience to help you to formulate your own roadmap to change.  I will always advise that you get your team of medical professionals (Physician, Chiropractor, Massage Therapist, ETC) on your side, and working for you.  Make sure that they are invested in you.  The first thing I discuss with anyone I consider bringing on my team is that I do not want to be prescribed an array of medications.  If I have an issue, I want to work together to find the cause, not treat the symptoms.  I am not interested in pumping myself full of medications for the rest of my life.  Mind you, there are things that are unavoidable.  I have no way to control my testosterone levels, and I need medical intervention to help me with that. However, I am able to make changes in my diet to control much of what many people just prefer to not deal with.  For example, when I was 20, I was diagnosed with IBS, or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  Basically, stomach aches, indigestion, severe constipation, followed by severe…not constipation.  The cure?  Take these pills.  They will help maybe with pain.  Never once was it suggested that the things I eat could be causing a problem, and making simple changes in my dietary lifestyle could cure me.  After many years, I decided on a whim to get tested for food sensitivities.  Turns out, I’m sensitive to many things, including black pepper, eggs, casein (protein in cow’s milk), and pineapple.  Guess what I was eating for lunch every day?  Cottage cheese with pineapple and pepper, and a hard boiled egg.  Once I stopped, the ‘IBS’ disappeared.  You can see how a shift in my perspective changed my life here.  I had always put my medical fate in the hands of doctors.  Once I took over control, everything changed.  Remember, their job is to give you suggestions, and help you to make informed decisions.  Often, we find ourselves leaving those decisions in their hands.  It is now time for you to take your life off of auto pilot, and take back control of your medical destiny.

Past-future
Ok, ok…you came here to figure out how you can start an exercise program, and stick with it.  Let’s talk about that.  If you are overweight or out of shape, going to a gym may be something that is completely out of the question for you. It was for me.  Even though I had lost weight, I didn’t want anyone to look at me, or judge me.  I wasn’t comfortable asking questions, and I didn’t feel like I deserved to be there.  I knew, however, that my body needed to be challenged to repair the damage I had done through years of mistreatment.  I decided that it was ok for me to go to a thrift shop andpurchase used exercise DVD’s and do them in the privacy of my home.  You can now purchase apps, like ‘Daily Burn’ or ‘Gaia’ that will provide different work outs directly to your smart tv, phone, computer, or tablet, so you can begin your journey privately and with some dignity.  I understand that there are some truly amazing people who are able to go to a gym and not care what other people think.  I admire that courage.  I was unable to overcome that fear, so I started with home work outs.  

Walking-for-health
I know that one of my most frequent excuses to myself was that I don’t have time.  That was simply not true.  I decided that if I needed this change badly enough, I should be able to wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual to devote to my health.  So, I would rise at 5:30am, with the rest of the house still fast asleep, and do my exercise DVD without anyone watching and laughing.  I told myself that I can do anything for 30 days, and did not give myself any way out of it.  Something interesting started to happen immediately.  Even though I was getting 30 minutes less sleep, my energy level was through the roof.  I work upstairs in a building with only two floors. Believe it or not, I would always take the elevator to my desk.  Once I started my exercise program, it occurred to me that I should take the stairs.  It never even crossed my mind that that was an option before.  Once I started taking the stairs, I decided that parking as close to the building as possible maybe was too easy.  I started parking at the back of the lot.  Once I started parking at the back, I started to wonder if I was getting the 10,000 steps a day that are recommended to maintain good health, so I bought a $5 pedometer.  The pedometer showed that I was getting about 4,000 steps a day, so I decided that I could do better.

It was after a few months of this new found activity that my sister invited me to join her and my brother in law to do “Pat’s Run”. At the time, I had no idea what this even was.  I went to the internet to educate myself.  Once I read about Pat Tillman, with tears running down my cheeks, I immediately signed up.  Mind you, I had never run a full mile in my life.  I played sports as a kid, and I had convinced myself that I was a sprinter.  I HATED RUNNING.  I refused to run in PE.  However, I found inspiration in the story of Pat Tillman, and the tragedy of his life cut short was fuel enough for me to run.  I knew that I had a propensity to be overwhelmed and give up, so I started with around the block.  If I can run around the block the whole way, then I can go farther next time.  So, around the block I went, which my trusty pedometer told me was 1/4 mile.  I did it!  I didn’t even die!  The next day, around the block and then half way.  Again, Success!  I kept increasing the distance, settling into running on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  It was at this point that I felt worthy to join a gym.


I joined our local YMCA, which happened to be just a few miles from the house.  I signed up the whole family, hoping that others would be inspired by the new fire for life I had discovered.  I started taking Zumba once a week and would bring along anyone interested to join me.  I started lifting weights and using machines.  I rekindled my love for swimming, and started swimming laps in the pool for an hour at a time.  The more I tried, the more I loved it.  I do not know if people made snide comments about me not belonging there, but I never saw that.  People may not have been overly friendly, but they did start to give the approving nod to me, silently acknowledging that I, too, belonged.  It appears that my fears were once again proven unreasonable.

I do understand that not every gym has a welcoming environment.   I have seen the news story of the former Playboy Model who took nude pictures of an unsuspecting gym member and shamed her on social media.  I was also glad to see the outrage that she provoked, and was eventually brought up on charges for her malicious and truly inhumane behhavior.  I have hopes that this is a sign of the end of this ridiculous body shaming trend that we have seen for far too long.  I am also beyond thrilled to see the calling out of airbrushing and photo shopping of models on magazine covers and in movies, which have for years provided us with images of bodies that are unrealistic and unattainable.  

Let’s break this down in to easy to commit to bullet points:

  • Get yourself a pedometer.  It doesn’t need to be anything that is beyond $10.  Just something that can give you an idea of how many steps you are walking.  Get your base number, and try to increase it every week by 500-1000 steps a day until you are walking 10,000 steps a day.
  • Decide what you are willing to do.  Are you willing to ride a bike?  Are you willing to work out at home?  Are you willing to get up 30 minutes early?  
  • Understand that exercise will not necessarily facilitate weight loss.  You might see weight loss, but you certainly shouldn’t rely on exercise to manage your weight.  If you haven’t already read my blog post on “What is the fastest way I can lose weight…”, read it. Exercise will help strengthen your bones and muscles, and is wonderful for the health of your organs.  Mindfulness and healthy eating will have the biggest impact on weight management.  Both are important.
  • Start small.  Set attainable goals.  It is dangerous to set a goal of “I’m going to run the Boston Marathon” if you are pretty sedentary.  Start with “I will walk 5,000 steps every day this week, no exceptions!”  And then do it!  Don’t allow yourself to make an excuse.  If you have a busy week, get up early and walk before the day starts.
  • Don’t restrict yourself on attainable goals.  If you know in your heart that one day you do want to run a marathon, start with a mile.  Educate yourself on what you are interested in.  Think you want to hike?  Learn about hiking, get the proper gear, read about successful hikers, and formulate your goals to push you along the path to your ultimate goal of hiking the Grand Canyon.  If you want to do it, then first work on convincing yourself that you can without a doubt do it.  Visualize the achievement.  Then set small, strategic goals to get there.  (On a personal note, this is where I am at with running a marathon.  More on this in a future blog.)
  • Think about what you loved as a kid.  What was fun on the playground?  Remember that exhilarating feeling of playing?  Try to revive that feeling with exercise.  It doesn’t have to be awful and hard.  You will often catch Wave and I on the playground on the monkey bars, or running around the track, or climbing on equipment.  Obey your local park rules for sure, but also, HAVE FUN!  
  • Keep challenging yourself.  Your body is highly adaptable.  If you do the same thing everyday, you won’t see any changes.  Keep your body guessing.
  • Balance is important!  Not just metaphorical balance, but actually being able to balance your body while standing on one foot is very important.  It signifies core strength and muscle balance.  For instance, I have almost comically weak hips, and you might too!!  Many of us sit all day at work, which really messes with your core.  (Core meaning middle, low back and hips.  We tend to think of abs when we reference our core, but that is just one component). Try this:  In front of a mirror, do a squat.  The bottom of your squat should have your knees at a 90 degree angle.  Are your knees inline with your feet, or does one or both fold in?  It’s not a bad idea to take that free personal trainer session that gyms usually offer and ask them to evaluate you for muscle imbalances and cardiovascular health.  The internet, and especially YouTube, is fantastic to learn more about muscle imbalances and how to correct them.  THIS IS IMPORTANT!  I am a Personal Trainer, and I suffer from imbalances!  In fact, I’ve been in rehab for months now on an injury caused by weak hips that I knew about and decided to keep running anyway and not address them.
  • Surround yourself with encouraging people.  Get a work out buddy if you feel like you need the accountability.  Don’t listen to the people who want to put your down, or the back handed compliments.  Take the good things, leave the bad.  Believe in yourself, and the negative comments won’t determine your future.  Know that your mind may be looking for ways to keep you from changing as a protective mechanism.  Fight against it!  Time for you to take control of your destiny!

I feel like this post is all over the place, so I apologize if you have whiplash after reading this.  I am always here for you.  You can submit questions or comments through the ‘Contact Me’ form, and I will get right back with you.  Take courage, and remember…you can’t start on your amazing journey without taking that first step.  Be courageous!

Oh, and remember this…you are probably not crazy!!

Fly-to-freedom